Let’s stop pretending these tired old Grindr messages are anything but toxic. You know the ones – they make your blood boil, your eyes roll, and your faith in humanity drop another notch.
Here’s what these messages really say about the people sending them, and why they need to stop.
1. Straight-acting only
What they mean: I’m so deeply rooted in internalized homophobia that I’ve convinced myself being gay is only acceptable if you can pass for straight.
I probably vote against LGBTQ+ rights while secretly hooking up with guys. My toxic masculinity is so fragile that I see any hint of femininity as a personal attack on my manhood.
2. No pics but I’m hot
What they mean: I’m either married and cheating, deeply closeted and paranoid, or so insecure about my appearance that I’ll waste hours of your time before eventually ghosting you.
But I’ll still demand to see ALL your photos within 30 seconds of messaging.
3. Masc 4 Masc
What they mean: I’ve spent years building walls of toxic masculinity so high that I can’t even admit I like men while literally being on an app to meet men.
I probably bully more feminine gay men to make myself feel better about my own sexuality. I measure my worth entirely by how “straight” I can appear.
4. Not like other guys
What they mean: I’ve internalized so much misogyny and homophobia that I think degrading other gay men makes me special.
I’m that guy at the bar who loudly proclaims, “I’m not part of the gay scene,” while literally being in a gay bar. I put down other queer people to feel better about my own insecurities.
5. Can host but very discreet
What they mean: I’m cheating on someone and about to make my emotional baggage your problem.
I’ll expect you to sneak around, lie, and compromise your dignity just to meet me, then I’ll ghost you the moment I feel guilty. I’ll probably do this again next week with someone else.
6. No fats, no fems
What they mean: I’m so shallow that I don’t see other gay men as actual human beings worthy of basic respect.
I think putting others down in my profile makes me more attractive. I’ve never questioned why I’m still single despite having such ‘high standards.’
7. Just a normal guy
What they mean: I’m terrified of being associated with anything queer despite being on a gay dating app.
I’ve confused being boring with being masculine. I probably think watching sports and drinking beer is a personality trait.
8. Here for friends only
What they mean: I want hookups but I’m too cowardly to admit it. I’ll judge others for being sexually active while sending unsolicited nudes within three messages.
I need to pretend I’m morally superior to feel better about my own choices.
9. What are you into?
What they mean: I’m too lazy to read your profile or engage in actual conversation. I’m going to ignore everything you say and steer the chat toward sex anyway.
I treat this app like a menu at a restaurant where I can order exactly what I want without considering the human on the other end.
10. I never message first
What they mean: I’m so entitled I think my mere presence on this app is a gift to you all. I bring nothing to the table except audacity and expectations. I probably describe myself as a ‘prize’ unironically.
11. Not out, need to be discreet
What they mean: I expect you to accommodate my closeted lifestyle while showing zero respect for your time or feelings.
I’ll treat being seen with you in public like it’s a criminal offense. I’ll probably still be saying this same line five years from now.
12. Top here, can I come over NOW?
What they mean: I think bottoms are like 24/7 drive-throughs – always open, prepped, and ready to serve at a moment’s notice.
I have zero concept of preparation time, planning, or basic human digestion. I’ll text you at 2am expecting you to be freshly showered and ready in 5 minutes, then act offended when you say you need time.
And yes, I’ll still block you immediately after because, apparently, that’s just what we do now.
13. Don’t be like all the other guys on here
What they mean: I’ve watched one too many romantic comedies and convinced myself I’m the main character in a gay version of You’ve Got Mail.
Plot twist: I’m exactly like the other guys, just with more audacity and a Pinterest board full of wedding ideas. I probably think my red flags are just quirky personality traits, and yes, I will absolutely tell you about my ex on the first date.
- Also See: Gay Dating Red Flags