Every June, while we’re trying to celebrate our existence and honor those who fought for our rights, we’re bombarded with the same tired, ignorant, and sometimes infuriating comments.
From clueless straight people asking why they don’t get a parade to our own community members policing how “gay” is too gay, these conversations are as predictable as rainbow merchandise appearing in May and disappearing July 1st.
So here’s our survival guide for navigating the conversational minefield of Pride Month – complete with what you’re really thinking and the perfect comebacks that balance education with just enough attitude to make your point without ruining the family barbecue.
Consider it your Pride Month self-defense toolkit.
“Why isn’t there a Straight Pride?”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
God, I’ve been hearing this one since high school.
Look, no one’s ever thrown you out of your house for bringing home an opposite-sex partner. No one’s ever called you a slur for holding your wife’s hand at the mall. No cop has ever raided your brunch spot and thrown you in jail for dancing with your husband.
Pride isn’t just some random party we invented because we were bored.
The comeback:
“Every damn day is straight pride. Your wedding didn’t get protested. Your parents didn’t disown you. Nobody tried to ‘pray away’ your heterosexuality.
“Come talk to me after you’ve been beaten up for who you love, then we can discuss your parade needs.”
“I don’t mind gay people, I just don’t want it shoved in my face”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
What does that even mean? Seriously. Two guys holding hands at Target is “shoving it in your face” but straight couples practically dry-humping on movie posters is just marketing?
I’ve spent most of my life watching straight people’s PDA, straight sex scenes, and straight wedding proposals, but somehow my existence is the problem?
The comeback:
“Buddy, I’ve been watching straight people make out on TV since I was five. I’ve sat through your wedding photos, your baby showers, and stories about your hookups.
“Trust me, you can handle seeing me and my boyfriend share a quick kiss without your world ending.”
“I’m gay, but I don’t need to make it my whole personality like those Pride people”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
Congratulations on your internalized homophobia! Some of us spent decades hiding who we are, and now we’re finally comfortable celebrating that part of ourselves.
Not everyone has the privilege of being “the acceptable gay” in conservative spaces. Some of us paid a higher price for authenticity, and we’re not going back in the closet to make you comfortable.
The comeback:
“Cool story. Some of us had to fight harder to be ourselves and aren’t interested in dimming our light to make straight people comfortable.
“You do you, but maybe examine why other people’s joy and self-expression bother you so much.”
“Which one of you is the woman in the relationship?”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
This question is so ancient it probably has its own fossil record. It’s rooted in the idea that relationships must follow heteronormative roles – as if the entire point of being gay isn’t that we’re both men. It reduces our complex relationship to stereotypes and outdated gender roles.
The comeback:
“Neither of us. That’s literally the whole point of being gay. We’re both men. That’s how this works. Do you ask forks in a drawer which one is the spoon?”
“You don’t look/act gay”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
Oh wow, I didn’t realize I was supposed to be following the Official Gay Handbook of Appearances. What exactly is a gay person supposed to look like?
We’re not a monolith. We don’t all get the same haircut at orientation. This comment reveals more about your stereotypes than anything about me.
The comeback:
“And you don’t look ignorant, yet here we are. Funny how appearances can be deceiving.”
“Have you tried to date a woman?”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
No, I just decided to join an often-marginalized community for the fun of it. Of course, I’ve considered the alternatives! Many of us tried desperately to be straight before accepting ourselves.
This question suggests being gay is just a lack of effort or experience rather than an intrinsic part of who we are.
The comeback:
“Have you tried dating a man? No? Then how do you know you’re straight?”
“You just haven’t met the right woman/man yet”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
This one suggests my sexuality is just a waiting room until the magical heterosexual savior arrives. It completely dismisses the validity of my identity and relationships.
Trust me, if meeting “the right woman” could make me straight, society would have made sure that happened a long time ago.
The comeback:
“And you just haven’t met the right therapist to work through why you’re so invested in my love life. Want me to recommend someone?”
“It’s just a phase”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
I’ve been in this “phase” for decades now. Most of us spent years figuring ourselves out before coming out. This dismissive comment treats our identities like we’re choosing a trendy haircut instead of living our true lives.
The comeback:
“Yeah, much like the phase where Pluto was considered a planet – it’s gonna last billions of years. Might want to get comfortable with it.”
“Pride is too sexual for kids to attend”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
Have you seen Hooters? Or beer commercials? Or beauty pageants? Our hypersexualized culture is fine with kids seeing straight sexuality everywhere, but two men holding hands is somehow corrupting.
Most Pride events have family-friendly sections, and the after-hours adult stuff is separate – just like with any festival.
The comeback:
“Most Pride events have family sections that are perfectly appropriate. But honestly, I’m more concerned about kids seeing violence on TV than learning that love comes in different forms. Weird priorities you’ve got there.”
“I support you, but do the parades have to be so… flamboyant?”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
Translation: “I support you as long as you act in ways I find acceptable.” Pride started as a riot against oppression. The flamboyance is both celebration and protest – a radical expression of the freedom to be ourselves after centuries of being forced to hide.
Sorry if some glitter and short-shorts make you uncomfortable.
The comeback:
“Does Mardi Gras have to throw so many beads? Does Halloween need so many costumes? Does the 4th of July need so many explosions? Celebrations are supposed to be extra – that’s the whole damn point.”
“Pride has become too corporate now”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
Yeah, rainbow capitalism can be frustrating, but remember when no company would touch us with a ten-foot pole? Corporate support, even if imperfect, shows how far we’ve come.
The real problem isn’t corporate involvement – it’s corporations that slap on a rainbow in June while funding anti-LGBTQ+ politicians in July.
The comeback:
“I agree that rainbow-washing is annoying, but I’m old enough to remember when companies wouldn’t even acknowledge our existence. Progress is messy. Let’s push them to do better rather than rejecting allies altogether.”
“When did you decide to be gay?”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
Right after I decided on my eye color and height. This question fundamentally misunderstands that sexuality isn’t a choice. I didn’t “decide” anything – I accepted who I’ve always been, despite enormous pressure to be someone else.
And even if I could “choose” – how is that your business?
The comeback:
“When did you decide to be straight? Was it a difficult choice? Did you weigh the pros and cons carefully? Or did you just always know that’s who you were?”
“Pride is just for the young, hot guys now”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
This is such a self-fulfilling prophecy. Pride is for everyone, but if older community members only complain about it instead of showing up and creating the spaces they want to see, of course it’ll skew younger.
And let’s be honest – every generation thinks the next one is doing it wrong.
The comeback:
“Be the change you want to see. If you think older folks, or non-gym-types, or any other type, aren’t represented – then organize a meetup, volunteer, or sponsor an event.
“Pride belongs to all of us, but only if we actually participate instead of complaining from the sidelines.”
“The community was better before all these new labels and flags”
Why we’re tired of hearing this:
Translation: “Things were better when fewer people felt included and I didn’t have to learn anything new.” Our community is evolving and growing, just like any living thing.
The alphabet soup of LGBTQ+ isn’t about being trendy – it’s about people finding words that finally describe their experiences after centuries of invisibility.
The comeback:
“You know what was also simpler? When we were all just hiding in the closet. Growth is complicated. Would you rather go back to the ‘simplicity’ of the 1950s, or put in the effort to understand the beautiful complexity of our community?”
Pride Month is about celebration, remembrance, and community – not about educating people who could easily Google these questions.
So the next time someone drops one of these tired lines, feel free to borrow our responses. Or better yet, send them this article and save your energy for the parade.